Less than a week ago my dear brother, Brian passed away from Leukemia. He was only 53 years old. We were not biological brothers, but brothers through my marriage to his sister. Even though I am divorced from his sister, we were still brothers. In fact, I remember a text message that I had received from him in February of 2011, while I was in Oregon. In essence it said, "You and I did not get divorced." It is interesting how simple things like that message become indelibly printed in one's mind. And though that was four years ago I still remember that I was driving from Eugene Oregon to the Coast and had stopped at Triangle Lake to take pictures. It was snowing and the hills surrounding the lake were white and the lake was still and peaceful. It was so quiet and then there was the sound of a text arriving at my phone; a text from Brian reminding me that he and I were still brothers.
The years preceding Brian's death had been years of of turmoil and challenge, including the passing of his father, Bob in 2008. Somehow, though Brian managed to remain upbeat and full of life and living; I suppose each day for him was all about seizing the day. Brian became the de facto "man" of the family Bob Day. He stepped up and cared for his mother and with his sister they became the managers of the family estate. This new role gave him purpose and a further challenge in life.
But, Brian's challenges were not over; life would not become easier. At the age of 51 he was stricken with Acute Myeloid Leukemia - a vicious disease. When I heard the news from his sister it touched me to my core. Here was someone that I knew, my brother, suffering from a disease that for older patients is seldom survived. I was not there during the early period of initial treatments, the chemo-therapy, but via his sister I learned that he fought bravely and was always optimistic. Brian would not go down without a fight. I was honored to be there with him in Seattle as a caregiver while he underwent his post-transplant treatments. Each day was a wonderful experience. We did a lot of things together in Seattle - I was the consummate tourist. The only limitation to our doing more was the perpetual fatigue that seemed to grind on Brian from morning to evening. Despite it all, Brian was always upbeat and feisty - for lack of a better word to describe his daily demeanor! Now, whenever I have a mud pie at Red Robins I will think of Brian - and probably start crying!
Five days before he died his sister sent me a text, "Brian sitting up on edge of bed, a little fuzzy, but watching the game nevertheless. He made it to the game. Day 7 of 4... Amazing." On January 13, in response to my inquiry, she sent "Waning." It was quiet for a day, then early on January 15 came the text - "Brian, my dearest brother and best friend, passed away this morning around 345 am, January 15, 2015."
His obituary reads, in part, "Brian truly lived life to the fullest through simple pleasures; chatting with and helping family and friends, playing and watching sports (especially the Seahawks), and spending time with his beloved dog, Xena, at dog parks in both Richland and Spokane. Brian had an uncanny ability to reach people in positive ways through his extraordinary humor, compassion, and patience."
From his friend, Steve Wilkins, "Just read Lori's "Confessions from a Cousin" Wow! Everyone should have supportive family like that! The last couple weeks, I had a chance to see Brian a couple times at the Spokane Hospice House. With his devoted sister at his side, Brian was still cracking jokes and trying to make the best of a bad situation. It would have been very easy for Brian to play the victim card - but he refused! Would love to go fishing with Brian on a peaceful lake, surrounded by beautiful mountains and fish biting - but I'll have to wait my turn. Rest in peace Brian. Your friends and family will join you in the boat later!"
One might ask why I include these quotes. Well, for one they are a testament from those who loved him as to his willingness to live life - "Carpe Diem," and two I am also reminded of the remonstrance given by the wise philosopher Solon to the unwise Lydian King Croesus, "Count no man happy until the end is known." The four pieces of wisdom that Solon tried to impart to Croesus, whom did not listen were:
- Don’t take things for granted
- Focus on what matters most
- Stay vigilant and beware of pride
- Endure to the end
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